Space Hoppers - Dance of the Guinea Pigs Page 5

“Biscuit yours. Violence unnecessary.” The Lieutenant spoke reasonably, keeping his voice light. “Biscuit down. I go back. You move forward. Agreed?” Beads of sweat formed on his forehead. He lowered his hand and dropped the biscuit, then stepped back. Monty grabbed up the treat and ate it in two bites. He moved forward to lick his new friend.

  “Ok I’m ready.” Sarah emerged looking less bloody, thanks to make-up, and wearing the cleaned jeans and jumper that she had been picked up in. “Oh, how sweet, you’re playing with him.” She beamed warmly at the small dangling figure of Garth who was hanging onto a light fixture while Monty bounded stupidly below, tail wagging.

  “Good boy. Sit. I’m ready when you are, Lieutenant. Thank you so much for amusing him while I was busy. Any time you want to come by and see him, feel free. Sometimes I worry about him being an only dog and getting lonely.”

  Having climbed down, Garth was busy smoothing his uniform. He looked up at Monty. “Kind offer. Not like to intrude. This way please.”

  As they walked down corridors, Sarah was again struck by the wall patterns; they really did stand out once you knew where they were. By the time she reached Xander’s pod she had even managed to convince herself that she wasn’t going to pass out again either. The Lieutenant gave another half bow at the door and left quickly, never taking his eyes off Monty.

  Sarah knocked on the door and it opened automatically. Feeling a bit of an intruder she crept in.

  “Hello, anyone in? Hello?” She put Monty onto the adjoining balcony and sat down feeling awkward. Unlike her pod, Xander was in what appeared to be a suite of rooms. She could see several doors connecting into the entrance lounge but the area was uncluttered and there was no sign of personal identity. The only ornament was a beautiful pink crystal cluster on the coffee table. She started to reach forward to touch the cluster but heard movement in the other room and decided against it.

  Xander came in wearing slacks and a red v-necked jumper. He didn’t notice her at first and walked over to the balcony.

  “I put Monty there, by the way. I hope you don’t mind but I didn’t want to run the risk of him getting over-excited. It’s been a busy day and, well, it’s not that he isn’t housetrained but what with one thing and another I thought I better not risk it.” She stopped herself, aware that she was starting to babble.

  “Sure.” He looked distracted and went to sit on one of the comfortable chairs next to her. “Thank you for coming. Incidentally, it was yesterday that was busy, you’ve been asleep for today. Perfectly natural response to the shock and I should think your body is still adjusting to the transfer off your planet.

  “I don’t think we had a chance to meet properly at the dinner. I’m Xander Mantac and you are…?”

  “Sarah Smith, from Earth. As I said yesterday, I think you were probably expecting someone else.”

  “Unfortunately a great deal of the paperwork for this Gathering has been lost in the separation otherwise I’m sure we would be more up to speed with the names of delegates. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about your future on this ship. We only have two Visitors on this section, including yourself, so sadly the Gathering will now not be able to take place. We were ambushed in that last battle which means we will have to head straight for Kaor and I’m afraid there will not be an opportunity to take you back to your planet as quickly as planned. I do apologise but we will do everything we can to make your stay as comfortable as possible. We were lucky with the slug hole in that it pushed us into a relatively safe area. Our readings are showing that there’s a large and extremely rare mineral deposit down on one of the uninhabited planets nearby. Obviously we need to get to Kaor as quickly as possible but the mineral is used to make a medicine that we don’t have on this quarter. It’s unlikely that we’d need to use it but I’d rather not take that risk if it’s avoidable.” He glanced at her. “I was hoping that you would consider joining our landing crew. As you come from a different planet you may be able to add a fresh way of thinking and since the separation we find ourselves a few crew members short.”

  “That sounds like fun… if it’s safe,” Sarah said cautiously. “I presume Monty will be allowed to accompany me?”

  Xander smiled. “We haven’t lost a landing party for years. It’s my favourite part of this job, the thought that we could discover a whole civilisation that no one’s heard of before. Unlikely in this area but you never know. Of course your companion can go with you. Would you like a drink?” She nodded gratefully and he wandered over to the food counter and started pushing buttons.

  “One of my favourite postings was as Intelligence Officer on a ship that went to one of the furthest outposts. We did some really good work there, found so much that we didn’t know before. Here, try this.” He handed her a tall glass with a light purple liquid in and sat down with one himself. “We learned more in three years than we had in the last thirty.” He eased himself back and took a long drink. “You will be given full briefing on all the equipment, naturally. I’ll get the Facilities Officer to kit you out. I think you’ll find it interesting.

  “The latest source of fascination for our scientists is the study of the essence of the planet, which we refer to as the ‘pith’. The academics back home have worked out that if we peel away the outer surface layer we’ll be able to find it. They’re a bit vague on what ‘it’ will look like but whenever we go to a planet we take samples for them to do whatever testing they feel necessary. It’s quite a new idea which we’re trying out.”

  “You’re taking the pith?”

  He grinned. “They started off calling it ‘the peel’ but the phrase didn’t really catch on. The planet that we’re going to tomorrow, you can see it from the window, used to be home to one of the most scientifically advanced races in this area. They lived in the trees and for safety reasons managed to cultivate whole forests that were fire resistant.”

  “That’s pretty impressive!”

  “Very impressive, but not terribly intelligent. It didn’t take long before the trees started to cross-pollinate with the other plants and within fifty years there was no firewood on the planet at all. They were forced to leave or die of pneumonia.” He studied her for a moment. “Did you go to see Med-crew?”

  “Oh yes, I thought the whole place was very good with all the things and, um, bits. I’m much better now. Tell me more about the landing parties.” She was beginning to feel drowsy again and hoped that she could keep him talking long enough so she could switch off. He had a deep, pleasant-sounding voice and she was quite happy to just listen.

  “Well, we go down in teams of four or more and we have a machine that picks up any irregular movement. It’s new so it’s quite the latest thing. Before that we had infra-red seeking machines, but they didn’t pick up any animals of abnormally low temperature or those that blend in with mud. This one picks up breathing and is proving to be quite successful. Would you like something to eat? I’m afraid I haven’t notified catering to provide serving androids but I could order something from the counter if you wish?”

  “What are serving androids?”

  Xander took her relative silence for acceptance and went back to the counter. “They were with us last night for the dinner; they’re the ones that brought in the food.”

  “I thought they were real! How do you tell the difference between them and a real person?”

  “They smell like lemons when they get wet,” he looked at her and grinned, “although I couldn’t honestly tell you why. Can I get you another drink as well?”

  Over a meal that tasted deceptively like fish and chips but looked like something you might find on the pavement outside a kebab shop at four in the morning, Xander talked about the ship and some of his experiences. Sarah was fascinated, it all sounded so much more interesting than the life she’d been leading. He told her about a few of the different cultures, some of the odd traditions and had her crying with laughter at his description of the mating ritual of the Ebans.

  As he cleared up
the plates and passed her another drink she amused him with tales of Earth rituals. He was particularly fascinated to hear how many sports revolved around kicking, hitting or throwing round objects. He just couldn’t see the point.

  “So you have two teams?”

  “Yes.”

  “They have to kick the ball through two posts and then they…?”

  “They put the ball in the middle and start again.”

  Xander smiled. “And this goes on for how long?”

  “It’s probably more gripping when you’re actually watching it,” she admitted laughing

  He sat back. “I always thought Earthlings were supposed to be complex. You have to admit that sounds pretty basic.”

  “Rubbish. You should hear about the off-side rule, hardly anyone gets that.” She swung her legs off the sofa where they’d been tucked under her and headed towards the balcony to check on Monty whose nose had been pressed to the glass for the past hour. “Then there’s golf. Thassa, thassa tough game. S’funny, my legs aren’t doing what I want them to. What’s in those drinks, Xander?”

  “Maybe this would be a good time to call an end to the evening?” Xander stood up. “Give me a moment and I’ll walk you back to your pod.” He went into one of the side rooms and Sarah collected Monty and moved to the door. She put her hand on the table to steady herself as she felt the room sway and as she did so the crystals started to glow; if she stepped back they dimmed again. She crouched down next to them so they were almost at eye level and reached her hand out, watching the pink mineral glow brighter and brighter until the light filled the room. She took her hand away just as Xander returned to walk her back. With a last lingering look at the crystals, she returned to her pod.

  Three

  It was only nine in the morning but as Sarah stood in the corridor she had already decided that the day was a write-off. New clothes had been delivered while she was with Xander and she was now casually dressed in a plain black jumper and jeans. She vowed that she would never drink anything that a non-human gave her, or a man, or any quiet, lemon scented androids. No, she was determined. From now on she would only drink from a flask of filtered water that she had packed herself. She would work out where to get a flask later. Ditto filtered water.

  Monty was sitting next to her in the corridor and again he was sulking. He’d been kicked off the bed and flatly refused the first shower. Yesterday evening he’d been shoved off onto the balcony for hours while she and the tall one had a good time and then he’d had to lead her back while she kept knocking into him. In revenge he’d dug a hole in one of the plant pots.

  There was no feeling of movement and also no one in the corridor. The patterns on the wall were easy to make out and Sarah put the fact that she hadn’t seen them before down to shock. There was also no smell in the corridor, which she wondered about. Usually there was something, the sharp whiff of a new carpet, school cabbage or hospital antiseptic. All she was aware of was the disconcerting waft of roses from Monty. Lieutenant Garth could be seen coming to fetch her from the left.

  “Good morning. How are you? Leaving in fifteen minutes. This way please.”

  Garth sped along corridors, glancing behind at Monty.

  “Can’t you go just a little slower?” Her head ached, her mouth was fuzzy and she was starting to think she’d packed too much in her rucksack. “Come on, Monty. Keep up. Heel.”

  They were quickly moving away through patterned corridors. There was a lot of unidentifiable metal and occasionally she heard noises and banging. Whirring could be detected in the distance. As they turned a corner they entered the landing bay. What looked like a minibus made from corrugated steel with no wheels stood in the centre, other buses were lined up against one of the vast walls and miscellaneous equipment was stacked opposite them. The bay narrowed into a blunt point, which would open like a sluice gate when the bus was ready to leave. Drawing closer to the strange vehicle, she noticed a sticker on the back window saying, “If you are close enough to read this please slow down or I will open fire and destroy you.” Xander, Garet, Martyn and a green alien with a big head and opaque blue eyes were having a heated discussion around the “bonnet”.

  Garth took Sarah to the equipment side and opened a panel. He passed her a perfectly symmetrical cube.

  “Press top and have life detector. If beeps there is life not consistent with landing party. Press side and have homing device if lost and want to find others. Press bottom and have explosion. Go with Light.” He smiled, bowed and trotted off.

  “B-but it’s a cube...” she stammered. “How can you tell which way the top is? What if it bashes into something when I don’t want it to? Where’s the safety catch?” She turned the cube around in her hands silently until finally wrapping it in a jumper and carefully putting it at the top of her rucksack. Moving hesitantly to the group assembled by the bus she tried to surreptitiously eavesdrop on their conversation.

  “How can you say that?” Garet was looking at Xander. He was wearing another Hawaiian shirt that went almost to the floor so that only the tips of his tentacles were showing. “He drove last time. You always let Martyn drive – it’s so unfair.”

  “You can’t drive because you’re still on a charge for drunk and disorderly behaviour from last month. You don’t even have your glasses on and we are not having another episode like the one on Epa Four.” The alien looked down and trailed a tentacle on the floor. Xander looked stern. “I bet you don’t even have them anymore, do you? Honestly, Garet, it’s hard enough finding your strength lenses without having to keep replacing them because you get a bit peckish. We have to be more disciplined than that. Martyn’s driving and that’s my final word on the matter. And another thing, I hardly feel your safety stickers are appropriate for a passenger transport, do you? I mean, how would you fire at them? It’s not like there’s a weapons system on the bus, is it?”

  Garet’s eyes lit up. “Well, Booker’s got this idea that if we…”

  “No. Absolutely not. Booker is not going near any of my transports. Now, get in and check your equipment.” The door of the bus lifted up and Garet slid in quickly, followed by Martyn and the green alien. Xander consulted a sheet before looking up and noticing Sarah.

  “Good, you’re on time. Right. Excellent. Better get moving then. Er.” His cheeks turned a light pink and he flapped a hand vaguely. “I hope you don’t have too bad a headache? I may have overestimated your capacity for alcohol and I apologise.”

  Sarah smiled back at him. “No, I feel great this morning. Thanks.” She enthusiastically climbed in trying to ignore the hippos that were line-dancing on her brain.

  Inside, Martyn quickly made the introductions. Garet Yinosdus was still quietly embarrassed about his midnight snack of the glasses but gave Sarah a mock salute in greeting. The green one was called Lingor and was the ship’s linguist who could apparently speak over eighty languages fluently. She tried hard to tell herself that her first instinct to dislike him was irrational. Monty was introduced as the companion and Lingor was instantly fascinated with him when she said that his translator chip hadn’t worked, which meant he was still speaking canine. As they were waiting for the bus codes that Booker had allocated them to be accepted and permission granted to leave the ship, Lingor probed Sarah about Monty.

  “So he’s a creature of sub-human intelligence and you communicate to him through simple commands. I find it incomprehensible that although he can understand you, you are in fact, totally unable to understand him. Please explain to me how this implies that you are the more intelligent creature?” He tilted his head while Sarah just stared at him thinking calming thoughts. “I believe that in a few moments, using my superior knowledge of languages I will be able to communicate with this creature.” He looked around his new audience for approval. Martyn, who had already tried to communicate with Monty when the ship had first picked them up, and had had his sleeve shredded for his trouble, sat back with growing apprehension.

  “I really do
n’t think he wants to be friendly right now. He hasn’t been in a good mood since I beat him into the shower this morning.” Sarah could feel the dog’s back stiffen as he backed closer into her knees where she was sitting.

  Lingor gave her a condescending smile. “If you can’t communicate verbally with him then I really don’t think you are in any position to give advice on his moods. Now,” he looked around to check everyone was paying attention, “I will dig my thumb into his neck to correctly gauge his voice vibration, thus allowing me to attune mine.” Xander and Martyn edged further away; if Sarah concentrated she could hear the beginning of a growl.

  A Doberman has many different varieties of growls; at number one there is the playful “go on, fight me for my toy – please?” and moving up the scale to number five there’s the possessive “I know you think this is your sofa but it’s mine now.” Sarah hadn’t heard this one for a while and guessed it was a potential number eight. Funny, Monty, didn’t like Lingor either.

  “He’s not going to like that, you know.” She said, putting her hand over Monty’s neck protectively. “He’s a very sensitive animal.”

  “SILENCE,” Lingor suddenly screamed at her and stuck his face up against hers. “I am an ARTIST. I will not be held back from my art by a being who is so obviously inferior.”

  By the time Lingor had finished, Monty had his ears back, hackles up and had a growl that came from the depth of his soul. He raised himself to stand, which, with everyone now sitting down, was at head height to Lingor. Every muscle of his body looked as though it was standing out and his mouth was pulled back to show all his razor sharp teeth. Slowly Lingor inched back to his seat, followed centimetre by centimetre by Monty.

  “So you say he’s not in a good mood today?”

  Sarah snapped her fingers; Monty returned to her side and allowed himself to be stroked out of attack mode.

  “Lingor; Sarah and Monty are crew members on this expedition. I’d remind you to treat them with the respect that you would any other crew member or Visitor for that matter.” Xander came out from behind his seat where he’d been sheltering. “Maybe instead of understanding his language you could work on interpreting his moods? Right now, crew – Garet, come out from under the seat – we are going to the planet below. The area we will be exploring has for some reason been unmapped, so extra care and attention to detail is needed. While we’re there I hope I don’t have to remind you to show due consideration for cultures if any, climate and foliage. Everyone strap themselves in and we’ll be off.”