Space Hoppers - Dance of the Guinea Pigs Read online

  Noticing another arrival entering the hall, Xander turned back to Sarah. “On behalf of all of us may I say how glad we are that you were able to join the Gathering?” he said, still trying to work out where she was from. “Have you seen where you’re sitting yet?” He steered her gently towards the table.

  She let herself be guided around the chairs, failing totally to see her name. Her cheeks were starting to burn with embarrassment. “I wasn’t really expecting to be here at all,” she said, “It was a total surprise when it happened.”

  “Ah well, that explains it, delegates change at the last minute all the time, not to worry. Do you know the name of who you replaced?”

  “No, well, when I said it was a surprise I really meant that I don’t think I should be here at all.” She looked down and fiddled with one of Monty’s ears to stop him trying to pull her in the direction of the food smells.

  “Don’t be so modest.” He put his hand on her arm. “All of us have felt like that at some stage. Look, everyone is starting to take their places and the seat by Leader-One is still free so that must be yours. I’ll see you later.” His attention was drawn back to the heated discussion; the geranium now had a leaf on the other person’s forehead, “I just need to speak to the kitchen about their supply of chocolate mints.”

  She sat down next to Leader-One and read the place name: Flippar.

  Monty was feeling out of sorts. Strange smells were giving him no end of mixed messages and all the ear-scratching in the world wasn’t going to convince him that his companion was relaxed. As one of the waitresses passed by and Sarah was distracted, he snuck under the table for a sniff around.

  Lying in the middle he had the perfect vantage point should anything interesting happen. He put his head between his front paws and closed his eyes.

  Leader-One popped a forkful of food into his mouth and looked benevolently around the table. Everything was going well. He turned to the being on his right who was staring at a large raw fish on her plate.

  Radiating diplomatic bonhomie he finished his mouthful and smiled at Sarah. “So, I understand you arrived yesterday. I hope you are comfortable in your assigned pod?”

  “Yes, it’s lovely. Thank you.”

  “Splendid, splendid. How are you enjoying your dinner? Too cold? I see you haven’t touched it yet.”

  “I’ve never been that keen on sushi. Sorry.” Sarah gave an apologetic smile and thought she’d try again. “I think there’s been a bit of a mix up…” Leader-One cut her off.

  “I see, so sorry about that. Let me get you something more suitable.” He beckoned to a waitress and mumbled into her ear when she leaned down. “We’ll soon have that replaced for you. Here, have a bread roll while you’re waiting.” He pushed a plate of warm rolls and butter towards her. She took one.

  “It’s not just the food, I really don’t think I’m supposed to be here…” The waitress came back with a bowl of something that looked like stew. If it moves I’m going to throw up, she thought.

  “It gets you like that doesn’t it?” Leader-One moved closer. “Many of us who are involved in the fight feel the same. The guilt and the feeling that it should have been you never goes away and as far as I know there’s no way to numb that pain. But please, enjoy yourself while you’re here and use the facilities; that should help you relax. All those who have gone against the true path will be punished in due course. Back home on Egas… well, you don’t want to hear about my dreary past, but I do know how you feel.” He went back to his plate and efficiently carved up a piece of meat. “It will soon be over anyway.”

  Sarah, utterly confused, started to say something else but he had already shifted position and begun a conversation with the person to his left. She carefully tasted her food, chicken?

  Welcome.

  The voice, melodic and calm, with a clarity she had never experienced before, caught her by surprise and she looked up at Leader-One. He was still in conversation with someone else. To her right the geranium had a fresh drink with a tendril in it. She scanned around the table.

  My name is Sornath, I am a Cadovoan and we communicate through mind. I did not mean to alarm you.

  The red cloaked Visitor was sitting facing her across the table. His face was hidden by the hood.

  There is much to be learned, is there not?

  Ok, she thought. I’ve either gone mad or I died in the driving exam and this is the afterlife. She raised her glass in his direction and drank the contents in one. A waitress topped her up.

  You are quite sane, I assure you.

  Great. I have an unidentified voice in my head telling me that I’m normal. Listen, voice, this is not normal. None of this is normal. She finished the contents of her glass again. It was refilled.

  Normal is relative. This is not normal to you, but that does not mean it is not normal to other people.

  I’m going to wake up strapped to a bed somewhere with padded walls, aren’t I?

  No, but you will wake up with a headache if you keep drinking so quickly. Your Earth body is not able to handle such strong alcohol.

  A memory surfaced of the drinking games she had played with her housemates.

  However, you may be more practised in dealing with such liquids.

  Sarah put the drink down and tried to visualise a brick wall.

  You are confused by your conversation with Leader-One. Please allow me to explain. We are all here as Council representatives from the twenty-five main populated planets in this area with authority to speak for them. The aim of the Gathering is to find a united way forward in our approach to a mutual enemy.

  A faction calling themselves the Protectors was formed about fifty of your Earth years ago by a group of ex-soldiers who sought to unify their sector forces against space bandits. They were successful. Gradually the founder members were replaced by others and as they grew they demanded taxes on the sector’s planets to fund their force. So they became known as the Pirates. Eventually they were imposing near impossible levies on an increasing number of planets and their force was so great that the rulers were too scared to refuse.” Sornath paused as a waitress offered Sarah another bread roll. “Matters came to a head after a planet was regrettably destroyed. The First Gathering was a council of war held between the most powerful groups in the known galaxies, plans were made and the Pirates were all but destroyed. A few stragglers remained hopeful of regaining the might that they used to wield by attacking and taking over larger ships. The Second Gathering sent another attack wave to finish them but they were overcome. Now there is the hope that we will form the Third and final Gathering.

  I don’t represent my planet though, we have no Council, and we spend most of the time fighting each other! They got the wrong person.

  If your planet has no Council to put forward a representative then it would appear that you have been nominated by default.

  Sarah finished her drink.

  Please find me if you are in need of any more assistance. You might also like to know that your friend has started to make nasal noises under the table.

  Sornath rose, nodded to the company and left the room.

  Monty woke up abruptly after being hit by a bread roll and slunk back to Sarah’s side

  Seeing a Visitor leave, Leader-One decided to bring forward his initial welcome address to the Gathering. He cleared his throat and stood up.

  “Honoured guests, may I take this opportunity to welcome you all to this, the Third Gathering. All of you sitting around this table are eminent dignitaries, leaders of your worlds and I appreciate the time and effort it has taken you to come to this place. I can assure you, on behalf of every organisation and body that I represent, that we will do everything in our power to ensure that this is the last Gathering.

  “Tomorrow we will sit in a council of war and make plans, but for now please enjoy our hospitality and relax. May I present the key personnel, under the direct control of Xander, the Leader-Two on this mission, who will be ensuring our safet
y and comfort on this voyage?” He sat down to a polite smattering of applause and nodded to Xander to bring in the crew.

  Xander stood up smartly, gave a stiff half bow to the Visitors and made his way out of the room to signal the others that it was time for their introduction. As he approached the door he could hear nothing from outside but, keeping a fixed expression, he quickly slipped out into the corridor.

  Sarah looked around the group with fresh interest. Inadvertently catching Leader-One’s attention, she thought she had better make some contribution to the conversation. “With all these delegates the security must be pretty impressive?”

  Confusion swept across his face for a second, creasing his brow. “I wonder if your planet’s original nominee gave you all the information about this?” Sarah said nothing and Leader-One continued. “Only the Visitors invited knew of the location where we would be meeting and came separately without security or were picked up by the ship, as in your case. This ship was chosen as a meeting place for its superior fire-power and manoeuvrability, and obviously because of its connection to The Light’s Academy. Leader-Two was the only one who knew our final destination because he chose it himself. It was my decision to leave this with just the one person as clearly the fewer people who knew the better. No chance of an ambush if it’s a secret.”

  “Ah.” Sarah wondered if she had quite understood. “So… if there was a problem no-one would know where we were?”

  Leader One laughed and put his hand on her shoulder. “Please, enjoy your drink and relax. In a minute the crew will be giving us a brief presentation, which I hope will be extremely enlightening for Visitors such as yourself. Now, forgive me, I must circulate.” He went off to join a small huddle of intense looking dignitaries.

  “I don’t think that really answered my question”, Sarah muttered as he moved away.

  Outside the hall Xander was pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to stay calm. “Would someone like to tell me what’s going on?” he said in a terse sotto voice, taking in the appearances of the two crew members that had actually turned up. “Booker, why are you covered in foul-smelling green slime?”

  “One of the lads found something in the disposal unit. It was quite big so I had to help him. I’ve cleaned most of it off; I’m sure your Visitors won’t notice.”

  “Won’t notice? They’re supposed to be eating dinner and you smell like condemned meat! The dinner that I’m sure, under normal circumstances, they’d be thanking you for, Rayine. That is if you weren’t smeared in what appears to be the raspberry coulis we had for dessert. Explain.”

  Rayine, the entire left half of her face carefully covered in a yellow scarf, scribbled in a notepad.

  I slipped

  “And there aren’t any spare chef whites down in the kitchen without raspberry on?”

  Not any more

  He turned back to the Chief Engineer. “Where’s Martyn?”

  “He discovered Mr Chumbawala was pregnant and had a ‘moment’.”

  Xander nodded slowly; you didn’t disturb Martyn when he was having one of his moments. “Fine, we’ll leave that one for now. What about my Head of Security?”

  “He had some difficulty with the toilet on Level Three. My lads should have him out within the next half an hour.”

  “It takes half an hour to get someone out of a toilet?”

  “Remember the something that was found in the disposal unit?” Booker grinned wickedly. “Let’s not go into details.”

  Xander closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “OK, OK. What about Derek from the fighter division?”

  “Had a slight problem parking about an hour ago. Incidentally, if you’re going to be asking me about everyone, that’s where Med-crew are as well.”

  There was a rapid tapping noise coming closer from one of the adjoining corridors. An octopus-shaped, Hawaiian-shirted, three-eyed officer ran up to Xander and stood swaying gently.

  “Where the hell have you been?” demanded Xander.

  “Happy Hour.”

  “Garet, Happy Hour finished four hours ago. What have you been doing since then?”

  Garet lifted up a tentacle with a watch strapped to it and owlishly held it out in front of him. “Whoa! I thought I was feeling happier than usual! Nuts, I think my watch has stopped.”

  Booker reached out and deftly unclipped it. “Probably just needs another battery.” He started patting his trouser pockets. “I’m sure I had one earlier.”

  There was a quick scribble from Rayine: You should buy another one, you’ve had that old thing for ages.

  “I know, but it’s my favourite, and you know how hard it is for me to get a strap that actually stays on.” Garet hiccupped.

  “Have you tried taping it? Come by engineering later, I’ve been working on this new adhesive…”

  Xander, who had been trying to stay calm, finally gave up the fight. “I have a room full of the most important people in the known sector who are waiting for me to present my senior crew. There is no way I can go back and tell them that my Chief Engineer smells like a leaky sewer, my Head Chef has had herself garnished and my Acquisitions Officer has picked up a drinking problem! What do you suggest I do? Hmm?”

  “Tell ‘em we’ll do it tomorrow. It’s not like they’re going anywhere, is it?” Booker handed Garet back his watch. “I need to go down to the landing bay anyway to make sure that Derek only hit the other planes. If he’s damaged my wall there’s going to be trouble.”

  Rayine pushed a note into Xander’s hand before also hurrying off: I need to go back to the kitchen and check that the fire has been put out.

  As Xander looked down at the note, Garet fell over backwards.

  Picking up a tentacle in each hand to drag Garet into the Relaxation Space opposite, Xander wondered again exactly how much of a “reward” this posting was supposed to be. Leaving the recumbent form under one of the large plants, he straightened his uniform and headed back to the hall.

  He re-entered and paused in front of the Visitors who, where possible, were looking at him with the raised eyebrows of expectancy. He smiled indulgently. “It appears that the crew have been busy preparing something rather special and have begged another day’s grace while they put the finishing touches to it. I’m sure we will all be amazed with what they come up with.” He gave another smile and returned to his seat, studiously avoiding the glowering eyes of Leader-One.

  A waitress cleared away the dessert plate that Sarah had left untouched and started to serve liqueurs and coffee. Another arrived weighed down by huge plates of chocolate mints that she distributed evenly around the table. At a signal from Xander three more waitresses stood by the wall, also heavily laden with plates of chocolate mints. He allowed himself to think that maybe, just maybe, dinner might not end in disaster after all.

  The ship’s emergency siren screamed into life.

  There was a moment, probably no longer than a heart beat, when everyone at the table was completely still. The shock that followed on from the initial blast of the siren created a split-second of perfect silence. And then everything seemed to happen at once.

  The Visitors, without discussion, left the room swiftly to return to their pods and make communication with their home planets. Martyn, fighting against the press of bodies leaving the hall, rushed in to assist those that were less mobile. With a nod from Leader-One, Xander also quit the room.

  Sarah turned to Leader-One as well. She saw him glance at his watch before standing up. Without looking back at her he moved, almost casually, away from the table, picking up a couple of chocolate mints as he went. I wish I had the confidence to be so relaxed, she thought, enviously. She considered that since he was so calm there was no excuse for her to fall apart. Good reason maybe but if she was supposed to be representing Earth she supposed she could hold herself together for a little while longer.

  A calm female voice came over the tannoy system: “All crew to return to active duty. The ship is now involved in tactical manoeuvre
s. Repeat, all crew to return to active duty immediately.”

  Suddenly Sarah didn’t feel so calm and, followed by Monty, she ran out of the door and down the corridor after Leader-One. Behind her the ceiling swung back over the dining hall as the emergency security systems were starting to be put in place. She spotted Martyn again with what appeared to be an ice pack on his head moving one of the tanks and asked him what was happening.

  “It’s the Pirates! We’ve had a call from Kaor saying that one of their passenger ships is being attacked by, um, a small force, so since we’re the only peace-keeping vessel in the area we’re sort of expected to help out. Um, I must take this Visitor to his pod before things start getting bumpy otherwise they’ll be a whole lot worse when he wakes up. If you would like to come with me I can find you somewhere safe as well. Please, this way.” Thinking she was following him, he sped off.

  She thought she saw a glimpse of Sornath disappearing down a corridor in the opposite direction and, ignoring Martyn, chased after him instead. She realised the band were staying to finish their set. I hope that’s not a bad omen, she thought. As crew raced past her she caught sight of antennae, tentacles and colours that she hadn’t even imagined existed. The crowd carried her down a flight of stairs and she followed them until she found herself in what appeared to be the control room.

  In front of her, spanning the entire wall was a huge screen. Xander was seated in a large, firm-looking chair in front of it with both hands on controls fixed to the armrests. The view on the screen panned right smoothly.

  Behind the main seat was a padded rail that clearly divided those that had a right to be involved with the battle and those that carried out the orders. More screens around the sides contrasted with large functional-looking circular disks next to them.