Space Hoppers - Dance of the Guinea Pigs Read online

  There was a sudden hush from the surrounding crew.

  “You want me to put one of the blue jumpers on?” Garet said, shocked.

  “It’s just a colour, Garet.”

  “But… but… everyone knows what happens to the crew members who put on the blue jumpers!”

  “It’s a silly superstition and we have a firm rule that landing parties have to wear uniform so that crew members can be identified from a distance.”

  Garet started bouncing up and down waving tentacles in the air. “Couldn’t I just try really hard to look noticeable? Please? Anything but the blue jumper!”

  Xander looked down at his latest list. “You’ve got five minutes to change and be back here looking like a proper crew member.” He glared around him as the crew suddenly tried to look busy. “Everyone else can stop acting like I’ve just sentenced him to a public whipping and get on with some work.”

  Honestly, he thought, it’s like working with children.

  Down in engineering, Booker was putting out the packets with the liquid guinea pig poison onto one of the large tables.

  “Right, lads. Everyone take a packet and put it in one of the places I’ve marked out on the map stuck to the wall over there.” No one rushed forward. Booker looked up. “Does anyone have a problem with that?”

  Fedka hesitantly put up his hand. “What if we get attacked by one of them?”

  “Hit it with a spanner.”

  Faith lifted her hand.

  Booker raised his eyebrows in frustration. “We’re not at the Academy, you know, and this isn’t a classroom. If you want to say something, say it!”

  “What if they gang up on us? What are we going to do then? I don’t know how to deal with a situation like this!” She looked close to tears, a worrying sign in a Sletnil.

  Booker put his fists onto the desk and leaned forward, speaking with a low urgency. “You want to know how you deal with it? Here's how, they pull a blockage in the air con, you pull a heater. They send one of yours to Med-crew, you send one of them to the pet cemetery. That's the Lights way, and that's how we’re going to get to Kaor! So do you want to do that? Are you equipped to do that?”

  The engineers stood in silence until slowly Max brought his spanner up to his chest in salute; he was followed by Faith and then, one by one, they were all standing to attention in front of him with their spanners in salute. Booker blinked back tears and felt that his heart would burst with pride. “All right, lads, it’s time for some pest control.”

  Garet returned reluctantly into the loading bay and was just about visible under his crash helmet and protective suit, and he appeared to have attempted to put knee and elbow pads on his tentacles. Every five paces a tentacle would re-attach a pad that had dropped off. He was practically spherical.

  “And how do you expect us to transport you to the planet with all that on? You want us to roll you off the ship?” asked Xander.

  “Just give me a push and I’m sure I’ll fit in the door.”

  Xander pointed at some of the landing crew and motioned back to Garet. “There’s an extra day’s shore leave when we get to Kaor if you can squeeze him into the bus.” There was a faint “pop” as Garet was eventually shoehorned in. Xander checked his list again. “Has anyone seen Garth lately? He’s supposed to be on this trip. Anyone? OK, we’ve got ten minutes before we’re due to leave. I’ll go to his pod and find out what’s happening but I want things to be ready when I get back.”

  Going into Garth’s pod Xander was struck by the sound of gently chiming bells. Garth sat, cross legged in the middle of the room, surrounded by candles and humming to himself.

  “Garth?

  “Welcome.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Well, as a serving member of the crew, would you like to start doing something?”

  “I am.”

  “You are what?”

  “Doing something.”

  “You said you were doing nothing?”

  “That too.”

  “Have you been taking the pills the doctor gave you?”

  “No pills. All things are one."

  “Garth, I really don’t have time for all this. We’re about to go on high alert and I’m asking for all crew members to be on duty.”

  “The path to travel is not one of high alert. There is no duty.”

  “Look at me – how many fingers am I holding up?”

  “The mirror reflects a rice paddy.”

  Xander walked out of the room and closed the door. He took a moment to breathe deeply and again pinch the top of his nose. He buzzed through to Med-crew. “Doctor?”

  “Here.”

  “I need you to put Garth in isolation, don’t let him be in contact with anyone else – understand me?”

  “Understood. What’s the problem?”

  “Garth’s gone Zen.”

  “How far?”

  “Rice paddies.”

  “I’m on my way.”

  As the shuttle bus got underway Simon moved onto the seat next to Sarah. “How about buddying up and going for a walk? It might shake the cobwebs out of sleeping beauty here.” Monty was yawning again.

  “That sounds like a good idea but every time I go down to a planet something awful happens.”

  “Ah, but this time you’ll be with me.”

  “How do you know that won’t mean that we’ll both be involved in the disaster?”

  He laughed and put his feet up on the seat opposite him. “You worry too much, we’ll be fine.”

  “Well, I thought I was going around with Brelt but I think she may have been called away, I can’t see her, so… OK then, I guess.”

  “Great. Who knows, maybe I can show off with my knowledge of intergalactic botany?”

  Sarah frowned. “You studied botany when you were kidnapped?”

  “Nope, but you’ve only been in space for, what is it, just over a week? You’ll never know I’m making it up.” He grinned.

  “Except for the fact that you’ve just told me!”

  He smacked his forehead theatrically. “Doh! See the effect you have on me? Oh look, we’re almost at the surface.”

  They could see the grassy expanse of land they were heading for within minutes of leaving the ship. Xander had insisted on getting as close to the site as possible in case pirates were picked up on the sensors.

  Miles upon miles of grass stretched out over the horizon. There were no signs of inhabitants and a few squat and leafy trees scattered around were the only breaks in the view.

  “Doesn’t look like there’s much chance of souvenir shopping down here, does there? Still, it’ll be good to stretch a bit and feel a breeze. I think that’s what I miss most on the ship, fresh air. Come on, Monty, wake up.”

  Monty reluctantly stretched and got up, following Sarah out of the side doors and into the bright sunlight.

  Simon stood blinking, trying to adjust to the change in brightness before pointing towards a copse of trees on the horizon.

  “Let’s walk towards them for a bit, I feel more comfortable heading in a direction rather than just milling around.” Crew members were piling out of busses and putting towels down to lie on; a few had brought games with them and were starting to place markers in the ground. Rayine could be seen organising a barbeque.

  “Sure.” The warmth felt good on her skin and Sarah could feel the tension of the last few days leave her. She might not be allowed to go to any more planets but that wouldn’t stop her enjoying this one. A light wind blew past carrying the scent of wild flowers and damp soil. It felt refreshing and she stood with her eyes closed enjoying the sensations. Simon seemed not to notice and was keen to move on.

  The ground was hard underneath their feet and long grass brushed against their legs. With Simon’s attention fixed firmly to the front she took one of her gloves off and bent down to run her hand over the grass. Soon they were some distance away from the other crew.

  �
�A rabbit! Did you see it?”

  Sarah looked around, “No, was it carrying weapons?”

  “Just a rabbit eating grass. What do you think this is – Alice in Wonderland on acid? Why don’t we sit here for a bit and see if it comes back?”

  “I don’t know Simon, Monty, goes mad when he sees them and when that happens he’s a lot harder to control. After what happened on the last planet we went to I don’t really feel comfortable with the idea of Monty even having the chance to run off again.”

  Simon looked around. “Tell you what then, why don’t you tie his lead up to this tree and we’ll go and see if there’s a warren. If there isn’t, then there’s no point in waiting anyway and if there is, he’ll be tied up so you don’t need to worry about him getting excited.”

  “Good idea, but we won’t be walking far, will we?”

  “I promise you’ll be able to see him the whole time.” He gestured around, embarrassed. “I can’t remember the last time I saw grass.”

  She melted. “Of course, sorry. Monty, you wait here for a bit. Good boy.”

  Finding a low, thick branch she tied his lead around it and checked that it wouldn’t work itself loose. The dog started to make a low whining. Sarah gave him a quick stroke over his head and neck and went to catch up with Simon.

  A large fly buzzed around her and she swatted at it at the same time that she felt her foot squelch into something. “Actually, I’m not so sure this is such a good idea, you know. Nothing’s ever quite what it seems around here and I’m going to get into an unbelievable amount of trouble if something goes wrong.”

  “Come over here, I think I can see more rabbits.”

  “You must have better eyesight than me because I can’t see anything.”

  “Look, just there! A few steps more and I can point them out to you.”

  “Simon, I really think we should go back now, I’m starting to lose sight of Monty.”

  “Just another couple of feet.”

  “I still can’t see any – oh shi…”

  Monty started barking wildly as soon as he saw the top of Sarah’s head disappear from view. He strained at the lead but was held fast.

  Having managed to find the time to return to engineering, Booker sat down at his desk in the chair specifically designed to leave room for his rucksack and investigated the pot of stew that had been left by his team. Admittedly he’d been tough on them recently and they were obviously trying to sweeten him up with his favourite dish. He smiled; they knew him so well. Next to the pot was a pile of paperwork that he’d been putting off since they left Kaor.

  The first letter was from Kaor’s Equal Opportunity Commission with another long survey for him to fill in. Booker was completely in favour of equal opportunities and didn’t pay any attention to age, colour, race or religion. As long as the recruit knew their way around an engine that was enough for him. If it wasn’t important why did they want to know? He had lost patience with the Commission years ago after they picked up on the fact that he called all recruits “lad”, which they considered sexist. Booker couldn’t see the problem; it made things so much easier than learning their names. He rolled the letter up and threw it into the bin.

  As the delicate aroma of herbs filled the office he kicked off his shoes and let his shoulders relax. Unclipping his rucksack he wondered whether it might be a good idea to experiment with a smaller notebook that he could keep around his waist. With two hands he tested the weight of the substantial book before dropping it to his left and reaching for a ladle.

  Instead of the usually satisfying “thud” as the book smacked down onto the ground there was a rather subdued “wheek”. Booker finished spooning the stew into his bowl before leaning over to the book. An unmoving furry paw could be seen underneath clutching the remains of what looked like a dart. He opened the book and wrote “clean office”. After a few appreciative mouthfuls of stew he also added “change notebook”.

  Garet was standing with Martyn by the tree that Monty was tethered to. “She can’t just have disappeared and I don’t believe she would have gone far without her companion. I don’t want to be the one to tell Xander about this. Let’s just have one more look around.” He shivered as dusk began to fall and the temperature dropped.

  “We, um, landed on the unoccupied side, didn’t we? There’s no chance we’re going to bump into… them, is there?”

  “Nope, we were really thorough about that. That’s the last thing any of us want right now. Well, I’ve gone through all the equipment and I can’t find any sign of her. What if we untied Monty? He seems to want to go in that direction.” He pointed towards the sunset. Taking Martyn’s silence as a yes, Garet took a knife out from somewhere in the protective layers of his clothing and freed the dog who pelted off to the position where he had last seen Sarah. He ran, nose down, until her scent ended and then began to dig.

  Martyn looked at Garet. “Um, when you say you were thorough about the landing site did that take into consideration the travel-holes?”

  “Do you think anyone told her about them?” Silence. Garet sighed. “Fine, I’ll radio through to Xander. Maybe some good will come out of this and I’ll get demoted?”

  In another area on the planet, Sarah and Simon sat next to a fire and looked out at the pink sunset. If she hadn’t seen the rabbit before they fell Simon had certainly found one afterwards and had made a miniature spit to roast it on. She turned it as he leaned against a boulder.

  “Well, this isn’t too bad, is it?” said Simon.

  Sarah looked up and tried to dodge the waves of smoke that were coming from the fire. “You’re very relaxed, aren’t you? Are you quite sure you completely understand the situation we’re in right now?”

  “We’ve escaped.” He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at her speculatively. “We’re free. While it’s just the two of us, you know when women say ‘I’d only date you if you were the last man on earth’?”

  “Yes?”

  “This scenario comes pretty close, don’t you think?”

  “No.”

  “Ha! I like a woman with spirit! What would it take to persuade you to give me a chance?”

  “Drugs.”

  “Which one would you like?”

  “Before I’d date you?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Arsenic.”

  “Ooh, feel the flame!”

  “Come on to me again and it’ll be from a blow-torch.”

  Simon smiled happily and went back to staring at the stars. “I was trying to think of ways of escaping and finding my way back to Earth and this happens. When I get back to Earth I’m going to live the high life, you’ll see, I’m going to be rich. They say the key to all wealth is do something that makes money even when you’re asleep and I’ve cracked it”

  “You’re going to run a brothel?”

  “I was thinking a bit bigger than that but I can see you’ve got ideas. Yes, this is perfect.”

  “How is this perfect? We’re stuck on some out of the way planet with absolutely no way of getting back. Anyway, Xander said they’re sending me back as soon as they get to Kaor, I assumed you’d be coming too. It’s not like we have to escape.”

  “Don’t be an ass. All we are to them is baggage. I still can’t believe you fell for Xander’s story about those poor caged creatures being paying passengers. Come on, in all the stories you read about people who have been abducted by aliens did any of them come back and say, ‘actually I had quite a nice time and the décor was just fabulous’? No.”

  “Would those be stories by the kind of people who claim that they survived but then gave birth to an orange?

  “Be serious, will you?”

  “I’m sorry but I just haven’t had the same experiences that you’ve had. I wasn’t kidnapped by the Pirates, I was invited to dinner.”

  “I can’t believe that you’d be so naïve and gullible.”

  “Well that’s fine because I can’t believe you’d be so paranoid and
ungrateful.”

  Simon held up his arms in mock submission. “Come on, let’s not fight. We’re obviously going to be down here for a while so I think we should huddle together to conserve body heat.”

  “That’s just another one of your terrible chat up lines, isn’t it?”

  From the control room the officer in charge communicated down to Xander. “Sir?”

  “Report.”

  “The monitors have picked up something on the long range scanner, sir. From this distance we can’t detect what it is although it does not appear to be advancing.”

  “Are there any planets in this area that are known to have the capacity for space travel?”

  “Negative.”

  “Thank you. Keep me informed.”

  “Sir.”

  Garet reached Xander in time to see him staring into the distance.

  “I haven’t lost a crew member on this voyage yet and I don’t intend to start now. Get back onto control and make sure that every available body is checking the location and destination of travel-holes on this planet. Because of the pulse from the planet, long-range homing devices won’t work so there will be no way that they can signal where they are.” Xander was quiet for a moment. “Check for volcanoes, explosions, seismic shifts, ley lines, earthquakes and other natural disasters. Let’s not forget that this is Sarah we’re talking about.”

  It was not yet dawn when Sarah eventually woke up, stiff and uncomfortable in the cave mouth. She looked around but couldn’t see Simon and felt a moment of panic. The unfamiliar cave walls cast strange shadows and a wave of claustrophobia washed over her. Unfolding her limbs as quickly as possible and wincing at the resistance, she called outside. “Simon?”

  “Out here.”

  She stumbled out, smoothing her clothing and trying to get her hair to lie flat. Her mouth felt horrible and she wished they’d thought of rigging something up to catch water in the night. In the trees around her, birds were starting to wake up and chirrup and caw. “What are you doing?”